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[calcidonie]

I discovered Morgellons about a month ago though for 8 months I have been fighting what I thought was demodex mites. I couldn't understand why no one in the demodex world was talking about these scabs on my head that wouldn't go away and that would reform themselves in a matter of minutes with concrete glue. It was so strange! And then I found Morgellons and understand so much now! The fibers - the black dots - the blue goo.

And yet, I'm so very miserable! I don't know if I can live with this. I work full time and have two youngish children (10, 11) and come home and clean and make dinner and do laundry and then I tackle these scabs on my head for hours. I shaved my head and started wearing a wig just so I could get some of the creams and oils to my scalp. My darling husband is sleeping downstairs for 6 months now.

I have taken to putting ammonia on open scabs and boy does it hurt! But I'll do anything to kill them. It used to stop them but now I sense they get very angry and corkscrew down further into my head and then move in burrows to a new location! So the scabs just end up moving around my head! I guess you call them lesions but since I pick at them so much mine seem more like scabs. I can see the little legs as part of the scabs - the legs with hooks. So I guess they build these scabs on their backs?

So even the painful ammonia has stopped working. I can feel them working, working, working. I'm so very distraught. I'm awakened in the night for at least 2 hours and I have to teach all day and then do so many other administrative things. And my children still really need me. And all night I feel crawling on my scalp. I've tackled much of what was on my body and even my face. Right now it's the back of my neck and my scalp and nothing seems to work.

I'm off next week and my kids are going to their grandparents so I'm hoping to have the week to do all of Ted's remedies that are just so hard in my busy life.

I have such a wonderful family and I just want to enjoy them but this thing is taking over and I am so very miserable. I don't even tell my husband that I cry every night. I'm not sure that he believes me completely though he has seen some of the things that come out of my body.

I don't know if it's worth it to stick around and and have this be my life. I'm so unhappy. Right now they are just crawling around my head and it's 3:30 and I have to be at work at 7 a.m. Oh it's such a miserable existence. And there seems to be no end in sight. I mean I have fought this thing with everything I have. And spent so much money!!!

I feel so all alone because there is no one I can tell. Months ago I told a friend a bit but I could tell it freaked her out. I told my Mom and she just thinks I'm handling it (as I always do) and it will be over soon. But it doesn't look like it will ever be over!!! This is what is killing me right now. I struggle for hours a day with this and I'm only just containing them. I don't have the energy or time for this and it is really diminishing my life so much that I don't know that it's worth it to even be here. I just don't know if I can do this for the rest of my life.

Won't someone find a cure?

Calcie

[amron]

Hi Calcie, I care, I feel your pain, I identify. Morgellons is a lonley walk. You get isolated from all you love. Know one wants to hear your story. Everyone is afraid, they will get it by just listening to you. I've been trying to comunicate with my family for three years. My daughter who passed away with lung cancer said they were all laughing at me.

Those scabs that you talk about have little hooks on them, they travel around just like you said. Try to keep your hair off your neck. If my hair around my ears starts nipping and biting, I cut off a quarter of inch. The hairs that cause all the problems are the longest in your gathering. You can almost identify the trouble makers. Its very impowering to wack them off. I use plain old vicks it will drive their activity to a standstill. Yes the neck will keep you from your needed rest. I use baking soda and dandruf shampoo mixed and let it set on my head for five minutes or so, it quiets the beast, and drives the buggers out. I use vicks around mouth, around ears,, around nose and eyebrows.

If your husband hasn't got it he wont. Your emotional health is being taxed harder than you know from denying your warm fuzzys from your hubby. This is a long hall program, so I wont try to explain it all, but you are loved and other fellow suffers link up in prayers. I belong to other sights, and this is good, different strokes for different folks, morgellon message board, is another good one. Hang in there, explore and listen you will feel better, being depressed is part of this thing. Dont let morgie win. Good luck amron

[firedup]

Hey Calci, I understand the anger, frustration, and desperation that you are experiencing. It's par for the course and I'm sure that everyone here can relate to your story as well. I can only tell you and try to assure you that it will get better.

Don't give up the fight! It may take years, but if you stick with it and keep fighting it with whatever works for you, you will begin to see some improvement.

But I have to warn you that you will not be the same person. Morgellons changes you. It works from the inside out. It snatches everything away from you, and then plunges you into the depths of hell. If you have morgellons, you will have to suffer. Expect it.
You must prepare yourself.

I'm with ya, and I'm sending you strength and courage to carry on. Firedup

[simone]

Hi Calcie...I have not stop working since I got this 2.5 yrs ago. I have not cut my hair even tho it was so itchy. After work I would cook,clean and try to keep my insanity through this. Today I break out with a few lesions but they pass. My husband and family finally believe me after a video I made. You need to find what helps you the best... Each one has their own cleaning protocol. But amonia...will only harm your skin.

Use natural products to heal. like essential oils, vits and supplements. Check your PH level. For my scalp I use selsun shampoo 2.5% sulfur. with a little salt. During the day I get a spray bottle, in it I put water, lemon juice, tea tree oil, and lavender or rosemary. Spray in hair when needed. I have my own protocol and its working for me.

Personally I wear latex gloves when I prepare food for family... I've seen the black specks on lids of containers in fridge that I've put on. Since then that's what I do ... but that's me.