Post by aligator on Jan 15, 2007 17:37:22 GMT -5
Why me? I can only speculate as to how many of us ask this of ourselves. It is a logical question. People all over the world with many afflictions ask this in the beginning, the middle, and at the end of their suffering. Why me? Perhaps there is an answer. Maybe, just maybe there is a possibility that all those who are joined in their suffering are meant to ingage in self discovery. To look beyond the pain. To look within for the answer. For me, personally, I have screamed at the top of my lungs in frustration and dispair only to be left with pitty and anger. I have moped around the house in confusion as to where I go next. I have questioned the importance of my existance, in all aspects ranging from my family to here on earth. I have tried to will this away, while looking down my nose at it. In the beginning I used to curl up in a ball and cry, lashing out at everyone and everything that interfered with my self pitty. I did this because of many reasons. If I held on to the pain and pitty it gave me an excuse to wallow around in it. If I concentrated on how bad I felt, it gave me permission to be angry, which so desperately I needed to feel as I did not understand what was happening to me, the whole me. I have screamed so incredibly loud WHY ME, GOD, WHY ME, that my voice dissapeared and exaustion took its place. I can not even begin to describe how powerless I felt at this time when I looked into my little girls eyes which were filled with such pitty, nor my husbands face as he sat on the other side of the room, scared to go near me. My words were harsh, my thoughts evil, and my actions were unforgivable. Ahhh, but all to necessary. I needed to go through that to get where I am today.
It was inevitable that man, in his conquest for perfection woud shake hands with mother earth and then spit on her. So it is us that are here to deal with the consequences and wade through the ugliness of this disaster. Mother nature is beautiful and perfect in her own right. When you go trying to perfect something that is already perfect, what do you get? In my opinion, utter disaster on a whole new level. Which is exactly what we are dealing with. So it is up to us to pick up the pieces, and try to make sense out of something that makes no sense at all. I am still shaking my head in disbelief.
So here I am, just your average joe, hanging my head in shame, wading through the gunk and trying to pick up the pieces, trying to make sense of nonsense, all the while sreaming why me? It is a lot to swallow, and if you don't chew your bites carefully, you'll choke. Perhaps that is why suicide was the only option for those who chose that path. I urge every one considering this route to look within yourself and chose the one less traveled. It is there, I promise. If you can't find it look harder for at the end of that road is hope
Why me? For every person asking this, there is a different answer.
Ponder, if you will, the possibility that this affliction did not choose you, rather you chose it. You sat down and wrote out a life chart, mapped it out very carefully before being born. Throughout your lifetime there are lessons you learn, most in part to help you grow to be a better person, to advance spiritually. One hurdle after another until you get the meaning behind it. Do you ever say to yourself " Gosh, one thing after another, does it ever stop" I have, and the only thing I can come up with is NO. No it doesn't stop. Not until you've learned the lesson you were meant to learn. Life is funny that way, ever noticed?
I don't know about you, but I have learned so much about myself this past year. I did this by asking the hard questions, leaving no room for self doubt and pitty. It makes sense to me that I have this disease, although I am less than thrilled with having it and all that it entails. I am supposed to learn something, if not many things from being sick. So far I have learned that I am stronger than I thought I was, I am more patient, more understanding, less weak minded, and I am ever reminded of how my inner spirit has grown.
Hope is something we wake up with every morning, even though you may lie in bed at night with despair. Hope is a powerful thing, a state of grace, if you will. With hope any thing is possibe. I like possible. Much more so than the opposite of hope, hopeless. That, my friends is something we are not. We are not hopeless yet, or ever for that matter.
We will walk out of this mess that we find ourselves in,maybe not today,or tomorrow, but we will. We have hope, we have eachother, and we have faith, that's all we need.
Love to all
Ali
It was inevitable that man, in his conquest for perfection woud shake hands with mother earth and then spit on her. So it is us that are here to deal with the consequences and wade through the ugliness of this disaster. Mother nature is beautiful and perfect in her own right. When you go trying to perfect something that is already perfect, what do you get? In my opinion, utter disaster on a whole new level. Which is exactly what we are dealing with. So it is up to us to pick up the pieces, and try to make sense out of something that makes no sense at all. I am still shaking my head in disbelief.
So here I am, just your average joe, hanging my head in shame, wading through the gunk and trying to pick up the pieces, trying to make sense of nonsense, all the while sreaming why me? It is a lot to swallow, and if you don't chew your bites carefully, you'll choke. Perhaps that is why suicide was the only option for those who chose that path. I urge every one considering this route to look within yourself and chose the one less traveled. It is there, I promise. If you can't find it look harder for at the end of that road is hope
Why me? For every person asking this, there is a different answer.
Ponder, if you will, the possibility that this affliction did not choose you, rather you chose it. You sat down and wrote out a life chart, mapped it out very carefully before being born. Throughout your lifetime there are lessons you learn, most in part to help you grow to be a better person, to advance spiritually. One hurdle after another until you get the meaning behind it. Do you ever say to yourself " Gosh, one thing after another, does it ever stop" I have, and the only thing I can come up with is NO. No it doesn't stop. Not until you've learned the lesson you were meant to learn. Life is funny that way, ever noticed?
I don't know about you, but I have learned so much about myself this past year. I did this by asking the hard questions, leaving no room for self doubt and pitty. It makes sense to me that I have this disease, although I am less than thrilled with having it and all that it entails. I am supposed to learn something, if not many things from being sick. So far I have learned that I am stronger than I thought I was, I am more patient, more understanding, less weak minded, and I am ever reminded of how my inner spirit has grown.
Hope is something we wake up with every morning, even though you may lie in bed at night with despair. Hope is a powerful thing, a state of grace, if you will. With hope any thing is possibe. I like possible. Much more so than the opposite of hope, hopeless. That, my friends is something we are not. We are not hopeless yet, or ever for that matter.
We will walk out of this mess that we find ourselves in,maybe not today,or tomorrow, but we will. We have hope, we have eachother, and we have faith, that's all we need.
Love to all
Ali