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Post by 1weary1 on Jun 9, 2008 4:26:58 GMT -5
Hello, I am a new member to this group but I have been a member of MRF for about 9 years. I have been up and down with this scourge on humanity so many times that I am not wanting to fight it any more. Tears of misery blind my eyes most hours of the day. I thought I had fought my last fight when I quit drinking 12 yrs. ago. little did I know I had not begun the fight of my life. At 1st it was like a scene from a horror movie the changes my body then my mind went through. I tried to talk to my family but they treated me as a child telling a unbelievable story and as time went on as a crazy person. I have had periods of time when I thought I was cured only to be brought down to a worse physical and mental condition than before. I have lost just about everything I love or enjoyed. I am so tired of fighting so tired of feeling the pain so tired of being alone. If a cure is found how will the uninsured pay for it? How will we be cured? I have talked with a few people about my state of mind in the past weeks and I just can't find that what ever it is we have when things are bad to come back fighting. I not a quitter I'm tired I just want to cry and sleep. What did I do? Why me ? Why won't god just take me home?
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Post by sadsack on Jun 9, 2008 10:14:55 GMT -5
1weary1 - I could have written almost every word that you wrote, except my time frame is much shorter. I have been on an upswing in health and functioning for months now, but I look over my shoulder because I've read enough about others going through cycles. The words you speak to God are the same as mine. But I've moved (mostly) to expecting and believing that God has a plan, that something VERY big is coming, and that I must trust this, pray for patience and acceptance, and try to live the cleanest, healthiest, and most "normal" life I can. There isn't once of us who hasn't been where you are, and occasionally go back there. Please pm me - I will give you my phone number, or you can give me yours. I have unlimited long distance. I don't have a magic bullet, but I have an ear....and hope. SS
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Post by bygraceofgod on Jun 9, 2008 23:40:30 GMT -5
weary1, It does take us through the ups and downs. That twinge you dreaded just moved in your arm and the only thing you can do is through yourself down on the floor and cry like a two year old. Yes, we've been there and you know. What you have failed to see is the healing of people. We will never be the same, but we can be comfortable enough to live with this at a low level. Everyone is here for you and you will find the things that work for you. You will. Your attitude is so important in recovering. You need some laughter, love, and whatever you can do to lift your spirits. This will put you in the right place for healing. I watched youtube videos that made me laugh, may I suggest a couple ? "Who let them cows out?", "angry pug", and "Dog and Duck." Look through the remedy forum for things to try. I found that one probably has to change off treatments as this keeps the Monster off balance. I agree with sky that you should contact Dr. Hildy (Stanginger) as she is the only person I have known of who knows this terrible thing and is willing to help us. It's a miracle that I'm alive, and she's done wonders for me. I was very ill, nearly died 3 times, and now I can say that I have lost 85lbs of plastic and am 80% improved. How you're feeling, is a hard day. Some are more difficult than others. Don't cry too long. Morgellons loves negative energy. It makes you think you can't survive this and I'm here to tell you that it's a liar. Every time you come back you are better than the last time. Weary1, I'm sending you my prayers. May God be with you in your every step, Grace
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Post by shubot on Jun 11, 2008 19:31:29 GMT -5
Hi, and welcome weary1, I am shubot I am so sorry that you have this disorder of Morgellons Please do not give up. You are in the right place, you belong here with us. We understand what you are going through. We have all suffered most all of the symptoms at one point or another. Some have symptoms others do not have, though. Read the board messages on Symptoms and Remedies, It will help you so much to know what is helping others. However, what works for one individual may not work for all. You will have to try them and test them to figure out what will work best for you. I have learned that I need to look at my life in a new and different way. I know it will never be as it was before Morgellons, but it is still good, I have happiness, love, laughter and much joy. It is a new chapter, a new beginning, I will need to change the way I do a few things, but it is still good. Try to focus on the good in life as much as possible. Pray and trust God to help you, have faith He will keep his hand over you to protect you. I have comfort in Thanking God for every thing, even the smallest thing, because I know there are others out there that are facing a much bigger demon monster than I am. I am so thankful I am not in renal failure and hooked up to dialysis, or bedridden with a stroke, or have severe PVD and bilateral lower extremity amputations, I see these every day, and I am thankful I was spared that. That is how I deal with this, knowing there are others who have to suffer these afflictions and they have Morgellons as well. I find happiness in knowing that eventhough I have Morgellons and I suffer, at least, I can walk, talk, work, and take care of myself and my loved ones every day. I have learned to live with it, thought it is hard. I have faith and confidence you will too. Many Blessings to you, shubot
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