Post by 0happyday on Nov 27, 2006 0:31:40 GMT -5
The following are personal messages to some of you. My memory has gotten so bad at times that I can't remember who I have talked to, so here it is:
This is the first time I have ever talked on a forum and I'm not sure if there are rules of conduct. If there are could you please let me know. I know I am not as knowledgeable as some of you and I don't want to waste anyones time .I have been suffering with this since 2001. I can not tell you how hard it is to tell my story or how hard it was to join this forum. I have lost all trust in the medical community as well as the legal system. In addition to this illness, I have dealt with a divorce, custody, ED, three 50b violations by my ex, his filing chapter seven, 2 days before ED, the loss of my job, being placed on long term disability, and I am now at 47 raising a 6 year old by myself. One of my girlfriends from church died in my guest room, at my home, 4 weeks ago and my child found her. She was 32. I have a 25 year old daughter and 2 grandchildren who stay sick and have allergies and "mosquito bites" as my daughter
says. They (my mother and my daughter) have seen the specks and fibers come out of my skin and stayed in denial until Billy Koch's article. The only 2 people who have not questioned my sanity are my therapist who has advanced Lyme's disease and my Psychiatrist because he knew me before this started. (it took me a year and a half to tell them about the medical because I was so ashamed) I have had 3 episodes where my blood pressure has dropped to 50-60/20 with no medical explanation. I have had around 6 teeth fall out and some removed because they broke off. Before this happened I was a beautiful woman with perfect skin and 2 small scars on my hand. One from a petree dish in the 6th grade and the other from a clam shucker trying to shuck an oyster. I had a heart cath 3 months ago. My vision has deteriorated and now things at a distance are also blurry as well as foggy at times. I have not had a date since I left my husband March 31 2002. I have met with the state entomologist who identified a bug as collembola and assured me that they don't bite people. I have been treated for Lyme's and completely cleared up and when the test came back negative It was communicated to my therapist that I was psychotic. I have been to one of the top 5 hospitals in the country where I was asked if there was someone who could come get my child if they decided to keep me in psychiatric ward. We were there with our "black lint" that had come off of our skin when I put mosquito repellent on us. The psychiatrist they sent in to talk to me sent us home. I have had 2 of my doctor's send me letters saying they could no longer see me because we disagreed as to my treatment. Terminex put sticky traps in my home and sent them to their entomologist in Columbia SC where they identified Phorid flies. I have done considerable research on my own and I am sad to say that everything that I have predicted with this disease is emerging as possible fact. All together I have seen 4 General Practitioners, 7 dermatologists, 2 medical specialists, a neurologist, 2 Infectious disease Dr's (or so they said.) And been to 4 different hospital emergency rooms. 5 biopsies 3 Prurigo nodularis, 2 pre cancer. I spoke with the CDC when they 1st announced the 800#. I have talked to Parasitologist that I saw on Animal Planet's most extreme. who was on the other side of the country. Was diagnosed as a delusional crack addict at one emergency room and asked why no drugs showed up in my blood or urine, NO KIDDING. I don't even drink. I know I've left a lot out, but I don't want to tell this again. I am so tired. I joined this forum because I hope to find a place where I can talk to someone who understands. Oh and I just found out that my daughters father in law has been covered in sores for almost 4 years and my daughter and son-in-law failed to mention that. I have video's of the ? coming out of my skin which my therapist and her husband have watched. I haven't been able to share this with anyone else because it is absolutely horrific. Please tell me if I am at the right place.There are days I think I can't take anymore. I' not afraid to die, but I am afraid of my ex abusing my child again if he ever got to see her, much less try to get her if I was gone. I had registered on the Morgellons site before Dr Wymore left But I haven't with the OSU as of yet but I need to. Thank you for taking the time to listen.
Sincerely, 0happyday
Second letter:
I don't mean to sound stupid but what does it mean by a new thread? YOu have to remember this is my first time. HA HA and if you don't mind can you tell me what the icons on the left of each thread mean?
I had to take a little time away from here. I am just overwhelmed by all of this. I have looked for so long to find out what was wrong with me, and all along fighting tooth and nail with family, doctor's and friends who said I was dillusional. I am actually very depressed right now and getting behind on all the things I need to do. There's no one else to help. And my child is very needy. Thank you so much for all who are there. I have felt so alone for so long, but I have continued to thank God for all that I do have and know that he has a purpose for everything. I know I am a fighter and so does He. I also know that he knows I will do what ever He leads me to do to fight for the cause. I just have to make sure I don't let satan get in the way.
3rd letter:
Thank you so much for the hug. I don't get many of them except from my child and grandchildren. I have a 26 and a 6 year old and 2 grands one will be 7 in Jan and one just turned 3. I have been single for 5 years and I have lost everything I own to keep my child safe from her father. My horse had a hurt leg and needed surgery and instead of
using the money for her leg I gave her to someone and used the money to leave my husband. It was a short marriage. My child and I were diagnosed with PTSD and after 35 years of working and never being out of work, I am now on long term disability. I couldn't tell you what all has happened to me, very few people would believe it. I just gave my 2 daughters horses away 9 months ago and moved closer to my family. My health has gotten so bad that it was all I could do to take care of them. I've been writing for a long time and would like to someday tell my story. the problem is that not only is it so unbelievable, but everytime I start trying to put it together I am faced with either this sickness or shutting down when I have to tell what has happened to me. I have fell through every crack.
I had gone back to college after 24 years and had to take some time off because I got so sick.
I am very interested in the Infrared and know several very well to do people that I may go to for help. I have never asked for help in my life, but these people have known of my sickness and have been trying to help me find what was wrong with me. I have medicare ins and capped on Part D in July. When I went to SS to try to get medicaid to get my meds I needed 4900 in unpaid Dr bills. we added up 10K. I have had every test imaginable and a heart cath 3 months ago.
My biggest consern is the people around me whom I love and are in complete denial.
I had a girlfriend from church come stay with me for a week and one morning got up and she was hallucinating. I took her to ER. She was 32 and had several health problems Diabetic, some type of heart condition, and high blood pressure as well as bipolar. after several negative tests and seeing her mental health record with their hospital they decided to put her in the psych ward. I went and got her 1 week later because her mother went to the beach and brought her home with me. Two nights later she died in her sleep and my 6 year old who loved her to death found her. She knew abo;ut the Morgellon's and came to stay with me anyway. She showed me a lesion on her finger that she said she had had cut off several times and it kept coming back. It looked just like my lesions.
With everything I have been through, it was the worst day in my life.
My little girl has this too and I cant talk about it anymore. Please pray for her.
I'm so lost. I'm so tired.
A big hug back at you.
This is the first time I have ever talked on a forum and I'm not sure if there are rules of conduct. If there are could you please let me know. I know I am not as knowledgeable as some of you and I don't want to waste anyones time .I have been suffering with this since 2001. I can not tell you how hard it is to tell my story or how hard it was to join this forum. I have lost all trust in the medical community as well as the legal system. In addition to this illness, I have dealt with a divorce, custody, ED, three 50b violations by my ex, his filing chapter seven, 2 days before ED, the loss of my job, being placed on long term disability, and I am now at 47 raising a 6 year old by myself. One of my girlfriends from church died in my guest room, at my home, 4 weeks ago and my child found her. She was 32. I have a 25 year old daughter and 2 grandchildren who stay sick and have allergies and "mosquito bites" as my daughter
says. They (my mother and my daughter) have seen the specks and fibers come out of my skin and stayed in denial until Billy Koch's article. The only 2 people who have not questioned my sanity are my therapist who has advanced Lyme's disease and my Psychiatrist because he knew me before this started. (it took me a year and a half to tell them about the medical because I was so ashamed) I have had 3 episodes where my blood pressure has dropped to 50-60/20 with no medical explanation. I have had around 6 teeth fall out and some removed because they broke off. Before this happened I was a beautiful woman with perfect skin and 2 small scars on my hand. One from a petree dish in the 6th grade and the other from a clam shucker trying to shuck an oyster. I had a heart cath 3 months ago. My vision has deteriorated and now things at a distance are also blurry as well as foggy at times. I have not had a date since I left my husband March 31 2002. I have met with the state entomologist who identified a bug as collembola and assured me that they don't bite people. I have been treated for Lyme's and completely cleared up and when the test came back negative It was communicated to my therapist that I was psychotic. I have been to one of the top 5 hospitals in the country where I was asked if there was someone who could come get my child if they decided to keep me in psychiatric ward. We were there with our "black lint" that had come off of our skin when I put mosquito repellent on us. The psychiatrist they sent in to talk to me sent us home. I have had 2 of my doctor's send me letters saying they could no longer see me because we disagreed as to my treatment. Terminex put sticky traps in my home and sent them to their entomologist in Columbia SC where they identified Phorid flies. I have done considerable research on my own and I am sad to say that everything that I have predicted with this disease is emerging as possible fact. All together I have seen 4 General Practitioners, 7 dermatologists, 2 medical specialists, a neurologist, 2 Infectious disease Dr's (or so they said.) And been to 4 different hospital emergency rooms. 5 biopsies 3 Prurigo nodularis, 2 pre cancer. I spoke with the CDC when they 1st announced the 800#. I have talked to Parasitologist that I saw on Animal Planet's most extreme. who was on the other side of the country. Was diagnosed as a delusional crack addict at one emergency room and asked why no drugs showed up in my blood or urine, NO KIDDING. I don't even drink. I know I've left a lot out, but I don't want to tell this again. I am so tired. I joined this forum because I hope to find a place where I can talk to someone who understands. Oh and I just found out that my daughters father in law has been covered in sores for almost 4 years and my daughter and son-in-law failed to mention that. I have video's of the ? coming out of my skin which my therapist and her husband have watched. I haven't been able to share this with anyone else because it is absolutely horrific. Please tell me if I am at the right place.There are days I think I can't take anymore. I' not afraid to die, but I am afraid of my ex abusing my child again if he ever got to see her, much less try to get her if I was gone. I had registered on the Morgellons site before Dr Wymore left But I haven't with the OSU as of yet but I need to. Thank you for taking the time to listen.
Sincerely, 0happyday
Second letter:
I don't mean to sound stupid but what does it mean by a new thread? YOu have to remember this is my first time. HA HA and if you don't mind can you tell me what the icons on the left of each thread mean?
I had to take a little time away from here. I am just overwhelmed by all of this. I have looked for so long to find out what was wrong with me, and all along fighting tooth and nail with family, doctor's and friends who said I was dillusional. I am actually very depressed right now and getting behind on all the things I need to do. There's no one else to help. And my child is very needy. Thank you so much for all who are there. I have felt so alone for so long, but I have continued to thank God for all that I do have and know that he has a purpose for everything. I know I am a fighter and so does He. I also know that he knows I will do what ever He leads me to do to fight for the cause. I just have to make sure I don't let satan get in the way.
3rd letter:
Thank you so much for the hug. I don't get many of them except from my child and grandchildren. I have a 26 and a 6 year old and 2 grands one will be 7 in Jan and one just turned 3. I have been single for 5 years and I have lost everything I own to keep my child safe from her father. My horse had a hurt leg and needed surgery and instead of
using the money for her leg I gave her to someone and used the money to leave my husband. It was a short marriage. My child and I were diagnosed with PTSD and after 35 years of working and never being out of work, I am now on long term disability. I couldn't tell you what all has happened to me, very few people would believe it. I just gave my 2 daughters horses away 9 months ago and moved closer to my family. My health has gotten so bad that it was all I could do to take care of them. I've been writing for a long time and would like to someday tell my story. the problem is that not only is it so unbelievable, but everytime I start trying to put it together I am faced with either this sickness or shutting down when I have to tell what has happened to me. I have fell through every crack.
I had gone back to college after 24 years and had to take some time off because I got so sick.
I am very interested in the Infrared and know several very well to do people that I may go to for help. I have never asked for help in my life, but these people have known of my sickness and have been trying to help me find what was wrong with me. I have medicare ins and capped on Part D in July. When I went to SS to try to get medicaid to get my meds I needed 4900 in unpaid Dr bills. we added up 10K. I have had every test imaginable and a heart cath 3 months ago.
My biggest consern is the people around me whom I love and are in complete denial.
I had a girlfriend from church come stay with me for a week and one morning got up and she was hallucinating. I took her to ER. She was 32 and had several health problems Diabetic, some type of heart condition, and high blood pressure as well as bipolar. after several negative tests and seeing her mental health record with their hospital they decided to put her in the psych ward. I went and got her 1 week later because her mother went to the beach and brought her home with me. Two nights later she died in her sleep and my 6 year old who loved her to death found her. She knew abo;ut the Morgellon's and came to stay with me anyway. She showed me a lesion on her finger that she said she had had cut off several times and it kept coming back. It looked just like my lesions.
With everything I have been through, it was the worst day in my life.
My little girl has this too and I cant talk about it anymore. Please pray for her.
I'm so lost. I'm so tired.
A big hug back at you.