Post by lcks on Sept 30, 2020 2:44:17 GMT -5
as a recovering addict & alcoholic with multiple diagnosed & treated mental illnesses, i so badly do not want to believe that i could have a third disease that the majority consider "all in your head" with even less knowledge and a worse stigma attached to it. two or three days ago, i felt like something bit me on my chest & then i had this strange painful tingling feeling after..since then that feeling of being pinpricked or bitten & then that considerably more unbearable feeling right after the fact has become almost literally constant. i have been a "picker" all my life, long before alcohol or drugs or any diagnoses of psychiatric disorders. for almost a year i had left my skin alone & then a couple weeks ago i started compulsively picking & the obsession was off to the races again. so the other day, after the initial "bite" when i saw an extremely abnormal sore on my chest, i thought that i had just messed with something too much & maybe it was getting infected..but then it got a lot worse. it is completely flat & hard underneath & absolutely impossible to pop or burst. there is a black spot in the middle then yellow/green fluid like substance around that & then sore redness around that. & when i pull the surrounding skin back, i can see these weird like lines or ridges under the skin outlining the whole thing. i hadn't shown it to my family because i was embarrassed about how bad my picking had become & thought it was an infected pimple or something..but then it would not pop & i keep seeing these tiny little black lines surrounding the whole thing almost like ingrown hairs except i never get those there. then last night, there was a particularly bad prick on my foot & thought i'd been bitten by a mosquito or something for real because it was so intensely itchy almost immediately. right now it just looks like a bug bite, kinda, or maybe more like a little scab? so i come online to look it up because now it really hurts & nothing i put on it helps & it won't heal & i can't just pick it off & meanwhile, i am in complete & total constant pain & discomfort. i do not know what to do. the only thing i can find that seems likely is morgellons, but i am afraid to go to my doctor after what i have read..i am afraid people will think i just did this with my picking & that i am having a psychotic break or something even though i am the most stable & happy & healthy i have ever been in my life. i have so much i need to know..like: is it going to keep getting worse? are there ever times when it isn't this bad? will the sores show up everywhere that i get "bitten"? is there really no relief..ever? is there any progress or anything at all whatsoever going on concerning this illness right now near the end of 2020? almost everywhere i search & every way i phrase it, the results are years old. & i have seen these horrific symptoms that can occur & i find out it is not only hard to treat, but incurable. i feel extremely lost & alone right now & that is very dangerous for people like me that have to work every single minute of every single day to make sure we remember that we are not alone & that "not all those who wander are lost" & to especially make sure we don't start isolating. unfortunately, it has only been two hours since i researched this & i am pretty much already there. i don't understand this. i don't want to go see my doctor even though i love him because i am afraid that he won't understand either. i have not been this scared in a long time, someone please help me. please talk to me. please..anyone.